Communication is a process that allows us to meet many different needs, including psychological ones.

Even though we practise communicating with others all our lives, most of us still run into all sorts of difficulties.

For example, research by Marr and Cable (2014) suggests that people tend to talk a lot about themselves, which is usually not the best strategy in social interactions.

Karen Huang and her colleagues at Harvard University conducted a series of studies to find out how asking questions during a conversation affects how much others like us.

They found that people were more likely to like a conversation partner who asked more questions, in this case at least nine questions in a 15-minute conversation. Asking questions increases liking because it signals responsiveness: it shows that we are listening and engaged in the conversation, which meets the other person’s interpersonal needs.

The effect held even when liking was rated by an outside observer. In the final study, the researchers tested the effect in speed dating and found that people who asked more questions were more likely to be invited on a second date.

Interestingly, people did not predict that how much they liked someone would depend partly on how many questions that person asked.

One more thing: the most effective way to create a sense of responsiveness and liking was to ask many follow-up questions, for example:

A: I’m planning a trip to Rome.
B: Oh, that’s great! 😍 Have you been there before?

Asking many full switch questions, which abruptly change the topic, had the opposite effect:

A: I’m a psychologist.
B: What did you have for dinner? 😬

So although we usually like to share our own point of view, it is often worth listening first instead of talking, and then asking instead of advising.

P.S.
Here are some other types of questions we can use in conversation:

Partial switch:
A: At weekends I like to be active, especially going to the seaside.
B: Have you ever been to that trampoline park in Wrocław?

Mirror:
A: Do you like animals?
B: I love cats. Do you?

Rhetorical: they don’t require an answer and are used to make a point
A: When could you take a three-week holiday?
B: Maybe at the end of the year. But how would I get all the documentation ready for the team? I don’t even want to think about it.

Huang, K., Yeomans, M., Brooks, A. W., Minson, J., & Gino, F. (2017). It doesn’t hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 113(3), 430-452.