We tend to associate discrimination with deliberately acting against a person or group because of an aspect of their identity. However, discrimination can also happen unconsciously, and even with the best of intentions. This is exactly how microaggressions work.

What are microaggressions?

Microaggressions (also called micro-inequities) are brief, everyday comments, gestures or behaviours that send someone a dismissive or negative message related to a group they belong to (Sue et al., 2007). They are usually subtle and hard to pin down. The person who commits them most often means no harm and is not aware of how their words were received.

The term was introduced in the 1970s by psychiatrist Chester M. Pierce of Harvard University and later popularised by psychologist Derald Wing Sue. An important clarification: not every awkward remark is a microaggression. What matters is a reference to a stereotype about a group someone belongs to or is perceived to belong to (Williams, 2020).

Tiffany Jana and Michael Baran suggest the term subtle acts of exclusion (Jana & Baran, 2020). The word “aggression” implies ill will and immediately puts the conversation in defensive mode. Talking about acts, that is, about what someone said or did, makes it possible to discuss the impact of words without judging the character of the person who said them.

Examples

• “You drive well for a woman.”
• “You don’t act like someone from a small town.”
• “You don’t have an Eastern accent at all.”
• “Your English is excellent!” said to someone who was born in the UK but has a different skin colour than most people around them.
• “Really? You’re surprisingly open-minded” said to someone who comes from a village.
• “You’re very masculine for a gay man.”
• “You’ve lost weight! You look so much better!”
• “Mark, are you bringing your wife to the office Christmas party?” said to someone whose private life we know nothing about.

A microaggression can be an apparent compliment. We want to praise someone, but in doing so we reach for a stereotype about the group they belong to. Beneath the surface, such a comment says: “It’s impressive that you’ve managed to overcome the limitations of your group.”

What does the other person hear?

In “The Culture Map”, Erin Meyer reminds us that all of us sometimes communicate explicitly and sometimes pass on meaning between the lines (Meyer, 2014). With microaggressions, it is precisely the message between the lines that hurts the most. Jana and Baran (2020) identify eight such hidden messages:

• You are invisible: a woman’s idea only gets noticed when a male colleague repeats it.
• People like you are less capable: “You drive well for a woman.”
• You are not an individual: “You young people are always on your phones.”
• You don’t belong: “But where are you originally from?” when the first answer was “From Łódź.”
• You are not normal: “So which of you is the man in the relationship?” said to a couple of two women.
• You are a curiosity: touching someone’s hair or asking for details about someone’s disability during a first conversation.
• You are a threat: clutching your bag more tightly when a person with a different skin colour walks by.
• You are a burden: sighing “something else to adjust again” when a person with a disability asks for an accommodation.

Where do they come from?

Paradoxically, most often from good intentions. Jana and Baran (2020) note that subtle acts of exclusion usually happen when we are trying to be nice. Most often in four situations:

• A compliment: “Your English is excellent!”
• Curiosity: “So where are you originally from?”
• Trying to connect: “You’re from Georgia? I love khachapuri!”
• A joke: “Typical blonde!”

Underneath are automatic associations and stereotypes that all of us have, including people who see themselves as completely open-minded. That is why good intentions alone are not enough. What also matters is how our words affect the other person.

Micro, but with macro consequences

A single sentence can seem trivial. The person who says it has one conversation. The person who hears it may be hearing the same thing for the fiftieth time this year. It is like mosquito bites: one is nothing, but dozens every day can wear you out.

A meta-analysis of the results of 72 studies involving around 19,000 people in total showed that experiencing microaggressions is linked to poorer mental health: most clearly to symptoms of depression and anxiety, stress and negative emotions (Lui & Quezada, 2019). The associations were strongest for microaggressions related to race and ethnicity, sexual orientation and gender identity, and health status. The minority stress model explains why repeated signals of “you don’t fit in” accumulate and take a toll on health (Meyer, 2003).

Try it yourself

Try rephrasing a few sentences. Type your version, then compare it with our suggestion. There is no single right answer, and what you type is not saved anywhere.

What can you do day to day?

• Pause before commenting on someone’s characteristics: age, appearance, origin, accent. Is the comment necessary, and is it relevant?
• Check whether you would say the same thing to someone else: a person of a different gender, age or background (Jana & Baran, 2020).
• Keep the intention, drop the comment about the group: instead of “You’re doing great for your age”, simply say “You’re doing great”. Praising something specific works best.
• Replace assumptions with questions: instead of “Are you coming with your husband?” ask “Are you bringing anyone?”.
• When you hear that your words hurt someone: instead of defending yourself, thank them for telling you, apologise and ask how it came across. Jana and Baran (2020) recommend approaching such conversations with curiosity and empathy.
• Treat it as a habit to change: research on breaking the prejudice habit shows that change is possible, but it takes awareness, motivation and practice (Devine et al., 2012).