Change can evoke a wide range of emotions and reactions in us. We may experience feelings of surprise, denial, anger, fear, relief, hope, mobilisation, or even excitement. These emotional responses can be particularly intense when the change is unexpected and significant, impacting aspects such as health, work, relationships, or financial security. As the process of adaptation unfolds, emotions and states may fluctuate and evolve. In the process of adaptation to change, we may encounter difficulties in retaining information, forming associations, maintaining focus, and the like. Below you will find some practical tips to help you through this process. I also share some suggestions on how to offer support and understanding when the change affects someone else.

WHEN THE CHANGE AFFECTS YOU

1. Give yourself time. You may encounter well-intentioned advice from people in your close circle, suggesting that change presents opportunities or that, from their experience, it serves as a catalyst for personal growth. If such remarks happen to irritate you or exacerbate your feelings, remind yourself that adaptation is a process. Although at this stage you can logically understand the rationale behind such statements, your emotions may be entirely different. In this moment, if that’s what you need, allow yourself to have “more contact” with what you are losing in this change than with what you can gain. Remember, every wound needs time to have a chance to heal.
2. Be a friend to yourself. Throughout early and later adulthood, we accumulate valuable life experiences which enable us to discern what strategies aid our overall functioning and effectiveness even in the face of challenging emotions such as anxiety, restlessness, sleep problems, irritability, and other difficulties. Keep in mind that the process of adaptation is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. Take a moment to consider what specific actions can support your physical and emotional wellbeing at the moment. If you find yourself uncertain, don’t hesitate to discuss your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust.
3. Don’t hide the change. Depending on the circumstances, our self-esteem or sense of dignity may be impacted. Certain changes might prompt individuals to withhold information about what they are going through from everyone. The reasons vary: for instance, they may want to avoid having to listen to numerous offers of help or describe what happened (although in this case, we can share the information about the change and immediately communicate our needs to the person we trust). More often than not, however, concealing the change, especially from our closest environment, can come with an additional psychological toll and hinder positive connections. When others are unaware of our situation, their responses may be inadequately informed, leading to misplaced expectations or emotions that impede constructive interactions.
4. Openly express your feelings. As social beings, sharing our experiences with others can provide us with strength and resilience to cope with challenges. Engaging in constructive expression of emotions is a crucial aspect of healthy self-regulation. While our closest loved ones often play a significant role in times of crisis, if you find it difficult to share your experiences with them, consider seeking support from individuals who may be experiencing similar situations or who possess a more objective perspective, such as mental health specialists or HR department employees.
5. Mindfully replace maladaptive behaviours. When we experience negative emotions, our instinct is often to engage in activities that provide temporary relief. However, during the process of adaptation, it is crucial to recognise which of these behaviours only offer short-term comfort while negatively impacting our long-term mood. For instance, if the dominant emotion is sadness, and a person copes by taking multiple naps throughout the day, a 20-30-minute nap can indeed provide some benefits. Nevertheless, if we observe that consistent napping leads to reduced energy levels and an overall sense of worsened wellbeing, our aim should be to identify a healthier alternative, such as going for a walk. Despite the initial lack of enthusiasm for walking while feeling sad, we are aware that it is likely to increase our energy levels and contribute to at least a slight improvement in our overall emotional state.

WHEN THE CHANGE AFFECTS SOMEONE ELSE

1. Show empathy and validation. When someone is facing challenges, our natural inclination is to offer encouragement and uplift their mood. However, it’s crucial to avoid using rational arguments, such as “It’s just xyz, you can do it,” “You have two hands and two feet, it could always be worse,” “That’s life,” and so on, that might inadvertently invalidate their experiences or current perspective and unintentionally amplify their suffering.
2. Try to understand the perspective of others. Begin by listening more than talking. Allow the other person ample space to express their feelings and experiences. Providing a safe environment for them to share is a crucial element in their coping process. Avoid getting into arguments or attempting to alter their perspective. Instead, when the timing feels appropriate, use questions to understand rather than to “fix” things. For instance, ask: “What do you need most right now?” or “Can I offer support?”. More about using questions effectively can be found here. While questions can be beneficial, it is essential not to make the other person feel as if they are being interrogated. Sometimes the most appropriate reaction is to express your friendly attitude and let them know that you are there to listen and spend time together if they wish to talk.
3. Remember small, personal gestures. Even if you ask thoughtful questions, the other person might not always be sure about what they need from us, or they could be fatigued from adapting to a new situation. Depending on their circumstances, they might frequently answer calls from others during the day. Or on the contrary, they might feel that they have no one to confide in regarding their experiences. In such instances, a small and considerate gesture, tailored to the situation and relationship, can prove immensely helpful. For example, text messages saying: “If you don’t have the strength or time to reply, it’s okay. I just want you to know that I’m thinking of you,” or “If you want to talk or spend time together, let me know,” can provide reassurance or support. Sometimes less symbolic gestures can be even more meaningful, such as “I baked a cake for you,” “I cooked chicken soup for you,” or “I’m taking you to the cinema. What do you say?”.
4. Respect autonomy. At every stage of offering support, respect the boundaries of others. We should be mindful that what may be helpful to us when feeling down may not be the right approach for someone else, either due to their current situation or their individual perspective. It is essential to recognise and respect the moments when the other person chooses not to accept our suggestions, while also maintaining our commitment to supporting them. During times of change, individuals might experience a loss of connections if they repeatedly reject offers of help. If you genuinely wish to help, be prepared to take the initiative, and sustain contact for the next few months. Additionally, when engaging in conversations, if you feel compelled to offer advice, seek their consent before doing so. This approach may seem symbolic, but it can have significant psychological benefits for the other person, the conversation’s dynamics, and the overall mutual relationship.

FURTHER READING AND SUPPORT

If you are interested in exploring a self-help book written by a psychotherapist, offering practical psychological techniques for adapting to change, I recommend the following title:

Harris, R. (2021). The reality slap: How to survive and thrive when life hits hard. Robinson.

If you are in need of psychological assistance, you can schedule a conversation with a psychotherapist who specialises in cognitive-behavioural approaches.